Dear Y (2)

December 8, 2018

I had written this the day I posted my first blog; but I promised my parents that I would publish it only when I felt okay.

For the past few weeks I don’t know if you have noticed — or it’s just me who thinks the world revolves around me — that I wasn’t posting anything on any social media.

I don’t know if I should share it… Coz once it’s out in public there is no way I could take it back. And I don’t know if this is something I want you to know. Anyway chuck it… I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I’m on medication — and things will be fine.

If you are thinking, “Oh God one more person with their rich people problem,” I would like to say that I completely agree with you. In the past, wherever people used to talk about depression I used to feel the same. Just because we have a home to live and a relatively privileged life, we look out for issues and hence the new found disease called desperation.

I still battle between the above thought and the state I’m in… Anyway it’s my journey to figure out.

This is not an “I’m-not-well-send-me-some-love” letter. It’s just a way for me to figure out what’s going on, and in future, understand it better. Maybe understand someone else who would be talking the same language.

So yesterday I had posted my 1st blog. I was super excited and my dad decided to take me to a mall. I hadn’t stepped out of home for a few days.

After some time for no reason at all my heart started pumping fast. I felt like my wind pipe walls were sticking to each other. I was happy and sad at the same time and I just didn’t know what I should do.

I felt like crying but since we were in public I held it back… and trust me it was tough… Right now I wonder if I ever be okay in public.

Anything that excites me makes me sad. The emotions are mix matched and the worst part is that you feel all kinds of emotions at the same time.

I’m still struggling with how to express it.

Anyway this is to let you that I might not be able record a video for YouTube because I just can’t fake it. But I would love to connect with you all here, behind the comfort of words.

With lots of love

Kavi

Dear Y

March 6, 2019

A lot happened in between, lost Woodie, slowly pushed myself to start posting… and I hope it’s going to be fine… I’m staying in Kochi because I like the calmness of the city. My parents take turn to be with me. Abish and my friends here have been great support. I can’t thank them enough. It’s not easy for them as well.

Today it’s just another day… writing after just another attack. If you ask me if I feel better… yes medications are helping me I guess.

I want to talk about my condition because I know there are many people who are suffering and don’t know what to do about it. I want you to know that you aren’t alone in this.

My biggest concern is my dearest media friends whether they could sensationalize this blog to get some extra clicks.

Hiding my health condition has been more stressful for me. I felt extremely better once I started telling my close people that this is what I’m going through. If you would ask me if I am fine to share this, I’m not sure…

There is a difference between deep sadness and depression. If you know the reason for your feelings then it can be sadness but if you don’t then please go see a good psychologist near you. She/he will guide you if you need a psychiatrist (there is nothing to be ashamed of it).

With lots of love

12 Comments

  1. Hey Archie,
    I am a Hugeeee fan of your. Yestrday, i kept watching your ‘talk with archie videos’ (all episodes) because i was feeling low. But you made me smile (actually laugh out loud). I even made my boyfriend watch it at 1am (even though he is not a mallu).
    The reason why i am telling you this is, you are the reason why i felt happy yesterday. Thank you!
    I know you will get back to being happy. I dont know what else to say. But there millions out there who have smiled because of you.
    You dont know me personally. But I am here for you with a few from those millions who felt joy and happiness because of you. This isn’t your fault. And it wasn’t your choice to have depression. It will go away. It would take some time. But you have your loved ones to rely on. And I am here for you. 🙂

    One of your biggest Fans,
    Nidhi Nair

  2. You are an inspiration to me.. I love what you do.
    A very strong woman,we all love you .
    Things will go fine 👍 take care!

  3. Dear K, I’m taking the liberty to be already close enough to call you so 😉 I today get it what it is to feel whatever you said so happens.. I used to be someone who used to say , well just snap out of it , n find positivity around, and you’ll be fine … oh boy , was I so wrong .. this shit is so real …

    Gal friend, I’m just here to say keep doing whatever you are doing … someone great had once said , you are successful when you get what you always wanted to achieve , but you are happy when you give !! Keep giving through your blogs and videos , n that happiness is going to pile so high , that the stupid depression is so deep under deep shit literally … 😘

  4. Hi Archie

    It takes a lot to be able to talk about this. Please find some time for yourself and come back with a bang once you are happy. All of us are great admirers of your work and you bring smiles to our faces with each content that you make. Love you ❤

  5. I am glad that you shared what you are going through. And it takes courage to talk about it and anyone suffering from anxiety and depression can really tell you that just making it to another day requires strength and you have been doing that, as well as appearing happy in front of others amidst all the chaos in your mind, that’s only wonder women can do. You are a wonder woman.

  6. You know I love going through all your post. It simply gives happiness. All that you write are simple and touching. Keep going, you can conquer it. All my preyers.
    Ps: kochi is the best place to find calmness. #truethat😊

  7. Everything will be fine. Let it cool by itself. You will be alright, and even better. Your blogs are an inspiration for many! You laugh and make others laugh.

  8. Dear Archie,
    You owe your health to yourself. And no one gets to decide how much time you need to heal. You get to decide that. Take as much as time as you need. The world isn’t going anywhere. We aren’t going anywhere. The light will get in through the cracks. Talk as much as you want to. Talk, Talk, Talk. The less you make this a stigma, the more close you will be towards healing.
    Also please Check out the creative school, Bangalore for healing therapies at Pragyan Kendra. I have taken therapy there for four years and it has changed my life from an extremely suicidal patient to one who takes responsibility for her life.
    If you want, I can share all numbers with you, your privacy will be respected.
    Take care, stay strong. Depression is shit, and it isn’t going away anytime soon. But next time an attack comes calling, trust me you will get better at handling it.
    Much love to you.

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